All posts filed under: Life as we know it

Emotionally Filled Year-End

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As I drove home in the early morning hours, from a quick holiday weekend trip up north, I began to sob uncontrollably when the song ‘Where are you Christmas‘ streamed aloud through the surround sound in my car. I did my best to stay strong and in the moment, while visiting family, playing with pets, kids and engaging in conversation – but my mind was elsewhere, far, far away, mainly wondering where my mother might be spending Christmas in the afterlife? Is there an afterlife? And where is it located? Were thoughts that followed as I journeyed along the highway; the full moon my escort. I wondered if I will ever see here again…you know, in the heavens above, or…not sure if our paths will ever cross again. The thought of it all, churning my stomach and sending my heart to an uneasy flutter as I veered the car left, then right, coasting along. The song blended into the next, suggesting to, ‘Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas’. I mumbled the verses to the very …

Autumn Thoughts

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I walked my neighborhood this morning, through warm-brisk air, where at the start of the walk, I felt the need to button up and midway through, peeled off my jacket. On the walk I could not keep my thoughts and my visual in sync, if you know what I mean: I wanted to take in the hints of autumn, the rustling of the trees, and the swirling fallen leaves, but my mind kept circling back to thoughts of my beloved mother who passed away at the tail end of summer. And although I spoke to my walking partner, about ideas and fun facts, my stomach was in knots as I fought back the tears. I am long ways away from all things accepting and moving on with life…

Notes From The Weekend

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A co-worker of mine announced late Friday night that she was resigning. Not much details to offer up but wanted to let me know nonetheless. My heart sunk to the pit of my stomach. Not because she was resigning ‘understandably so’, but because I realized just then that I had no room in my heart or head to take on another disappointing news. You see I’ve been trying to keep it together for weeks, about my mother’s health and the idea of losing her on any given day… I’ve been floating through life since coming to terms with her not recovering from her last Intensive care stay… which led to in-home hospice care. So many emotions have filtered through my being since, causing me to burst into tears, to having panic attacks, to no sleep at nights, or eat to not having the drive to go on and yet… I have worked by her bedside every day for 18 hours to help me cope, I suppose. But yet…that coping has led to more disappointment about …

Take Time For Yourself

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While on a work call to discuss developmental goals for my team, I realized that under the insane demands of life, I do not make any effort to care for myself. Funny how one topic leads to another Not because I don’t want to, nor NOT know how to self-care, but the demands of work and unexpected events in life since the middle of June have not allowed me to continue on a positive path to wellness. I do worry about the toll my unexpected life is taking on me and currently trying to figure out how to find the right balance past what everyone says: How do you find balance?

Doing Our Best

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As if Instagram reads my mind past my search topics on my phone…because it sends me topics at the very moment I need them most. Pictures of Puppies, and all sorts of animals in the wild, nature, sceneries and more, hoping to boost my otherwise questionable moods of late. There is a lot I have done this past year to grow. Mostly spiritually so that I am able to live a peaceful life as possible in an environment that has changed since the pandemic at an unprecedented rate. But sometimes, even the best of photos and the touching of all quotes and revelations relayed to me through social media cannot change the way certain days pan out. Today was that day, where the worst of decisions were made in our work space by those not willing to listen to reason or experience. Decisions, which now cannot be undone, or reversed and the rest of us are left with having to figure out how best to muddle through them…

Beautiful Things

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Hail, crazy winds, and freezing temperatures with a layer of ice on all surfaces, has been the most interesting of events this week. Outside of work politics and set-backs. I actually tuned into relaxation music over Pandora last night to combat the anxiety from madness everywhere keeping me awake most nights. I know we are all feeling the same… For that reason, I am hopeful this will inspire you to do whatever that makes you smile today

Life Rhythm And White Space

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As I listen to close friends and family members vent to me about various aspects of their lives: stress, anxiety and struggles with depression, I wonder how I can relay to them lessons I have learned over the years from my own life experiences, without offending or hurting their feelings. So for the time being I simply listen, and in between I insert some tidbits… Don’t Be So Hard On Yourself. After all you are the doing best that you can under all circumstances. Strengthen Your Core (Body and mind) : Avoid fad diets and opt for healthy eating instead. Exercise in the simplest fashion possible-walk any way possible, or dance in the middle of your living room to your favorite tunes. Take care of your mental health-whether simply hiding in a corner of the house, with the lights off, meditating to calming music. Or watching a stand-up comedy on television, or simply dabbling in a craft or hobby. Strengthening your core should be the least stressful thing you do. Find Your Life Rhythm: May …

Searching for That Silver Lining

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Apparently I had a smile on my face the other day that troubled my family members. It’s the sort of smile I produce when I am thinking and plotting and re-organizing priorities in my head. You see, recently I’ve been tossing around the idea of scaling back on work and finding a new career adventure which actually and truly makes me happy. Because of this back-and-forth, I’ve been buying novels with that very synopsis in play. Woman leaves life and moves somewhere. Woman finds new joy in life. Woman buys a cottage and transforms it. Woman learns life lessons and so on. I mean you get the picture. So I smile, with every purchase of these very novels which are going to become my inspiration to make that leap or ‘bounce’ from the unfulfilling and into a more simple and yet gratifying life. I’ve been caught with the very smile, when I stroll through a park or a quant neighborhood adoring all things nature, steadily and very colorfully readying for winter. It’s all part of …

Let’s Catch Up

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A common text message across any social media or even over a chat medium at work. Catch up requires so much work really these days, more so if you are not emotionally in a good spot. Or are simply overwhelmed with life. Is it really the first day of Fall? Is Christmas truly just around corner? I’ve recently allowed so many things to bring me down…I thought I was over this stage in life, where I am not as bothered as I was in my 20s. But I guess I was wrong. And if I were to excuse my actions, I would have to say perhaps vulnerability has paved the way to our way of thinking and feeling since the pandemic. The world is also changing, I feel much faster than we are programmed to adapt. I once had a neighbor, who always smiled. I mean even while walking to his car, and back into the house alone, he smiled. When I asked him once, how he was able to be this way, he told …