All posts filed under: life

Emotionally Filled Year-End

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As I drove home in the early morning hours, from a quick holiday weekend trip up north, I began to sob uncontrollably when the song ‘Where are you Christmas‘ streamed aloud through the surround sound in my car. I did my best to stay strong and in the moment, while visiting family, playing with pets, kids and engaging in conversation – but my mind was elsewhere, far, far away, mainly wondering where my mother might be spending Christmas in the afterlife? Is there an afterlife? And where is it located? Were thoughts that followed as I journeyed along the highway; the full moon my escort. I wondered if I will ever see here again…you know, in the heavens above, or…not sure if our paths will ever cross again. The thought of it all, churning my stomach and sending my heart to an uneasy flutter as I veered the car left, then right, coasting along. The song blended into the next, suggesting to, ‘Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas’. I mumbled the verses to the very …

Autumn Thoughts

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I walked my neighborhood this morning, through warm-brisk air, where at the start of the walk, I felt the need to button up and midway through, peeled off my jacket. On the walk I could not keep my thoughts and my visual in sync, if you know what I mean: I wanted to take in the hints of autumn, the rustling of the trees, and the swirling fallen leaves, but my mind kept circling back to thoughts of my beloved mother who passed away at the tail end of summer. And although I spoke to my walking partner, about ideas and fun facts, my stomach was in knots as I fought back the tears. I am long ways away from all things accepting and moving on with life…

Notes From The Weekend

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A co-worker of mine announced late Friday night that she was resigning. Not much details to offer up but wanted to let me know nonetheless. My heart sunk to the pit of my stomach. Not because she was resigning ‘understandably so’, but because I realized just then that I had no room in my heart or head to take on another disappointing news. You see I’ve been trying to keep it together for weeks, about my mother’s health and the idea of losing her on any given day… I’ve been floating through life since coming to terms with her not recovering from her last Intensive care stay… which led to in-home hospice care. So many emotions have filtered through my being since, causing me to burst into tears, to having panic attacks, to no sleep at nights, or eat to not having the drive to go on and yet… I have worked by her bedside every day for 18 hours to help me cope, I suppose. But yet…that coping has led to more disappointment about …

Doing Our Best

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As if Instagram reads my mind past my search topics on my phone…because it sends me topics at the very moment I need them most. Pictures of Puppies, and all sorts of animals in the wild, nature, sceneries and more, hoping to boost my otherwise questionable moods of late. There is a lot I have done this past year to grow. Mostly spiritually so that I am able to live a peaceful life as possible in an environment that has changed since the pandemic at an unprecedented rate. But sometimes, even the best of photos and the touching of all quotes and revelations relayed to me through social media cannot change the way certain days pan out. Today was that day, where the worst of decisions were made in our work space by those not willing to listen to reason or experience. Decisions, which now cannot be undone, or reversed and the rest of us are left with having to figure out how best to muddle through them…

Let’s Touch Base

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Recent meetings at work are titled…let’s touch base. I suppose only because of yet another re-org, restructure, and re-re et all. Which gets me thinking on days where I feel off, that if it is still worth the fight? To stay focused, see the bigger picture, and all things that drives one to aim for the ultimate success in their career. Until…that part of life, trumps all others and you realize on the seventh day of December, that you haven’t made an effort to decorate the house, nor focus on the upcoming holiday. Then you look around, and think, perhaps the joy of the holiday season is no longer the way it once was. And that we are all simply going through the motion of making Christmas happen. Am I alone in this thinking? And…forgive me for sounding downbeat…but I do wonder if we will ever get back the true spirit of Christmas? What are you thoughts?

Cozy Sunday

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For the first time in a while I feel the need to simply stay home and read, nap and watch Downton Abby – A New Era on Netflix. Also make a cozy dinner for the clan struggling with all sorts of food allergies. Here’s what I am currently reading – mostly for the escape, or in place of the travel I’ve been aching to do, but can’t at the moment. Since I have become my mother’s caregiver. Naps are always a good idea on a lazy Sunday afternoon. It’s the best way to reset for the week. I wish Downton Abby could return as a series on television, as these bits of stories told through film is simply not enough. Hopefully setting back the clock this weekend will level us all. I don’t about you, but I’ve had many sleepless nights leading to… Lastly Sunday dinner plans – I normally keep pretty basic. Roast chicken is my go to for Sunday dinners and this recipe is one I will be aiming for tonight: How about …

So Here We Go

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I love the optimism at the start of a new year. The smiles, the laughter while family and friends are gathered in restaurants for a celebratory New Year’s dinner. And so we shall do our best to maintain the feeling by controlling only what we can, and not dwell on things we cannot for 2022. We shall make our mental health top priority, and avoid being consumed by all things negative. We shall find happiness by focusing on the smallest of wonders, and when in doubt, seek spiritual guidance in seeing those miracles. That’s how I see 2022

Searching for That Silver Lining

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Apparently I had a smile on my face the other day that troubled my family members. It’s the sort of smile I produce when I am thinking and plotting and re-organizing priorities in my head. You see, recently I’ve been tossing around the idea of scaling back on work and finding a new career adventure which actually and truly makes me happy. Because of this back-and-forth, I’ve been buying novels with that very synopsis in play. Woman leaves life and moves somewhere. Woman finds new joy in life. Woman buys a cottage and transforms it. Woman learns life lessons and so on. I mean you get the picture. So I smile, with every purchase of these very novels which are going to become my inspiration to make that leap or ‘bounce’ from the unfulfilling and into a more simple and yet gratifying life. I’ve been caught with the very smile, when I stroll through a park or a quant neighborhood adoring all things nature, steadily and very colorfully readying for winter. It’s all part of …