Year: 2023

Emotionally Filled Year-End

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As I drove home in the early morning hours, from a quick holiday weekend trip up north, I began to sob uncontrollably when the song ‘Where are you Christmas‘ streamed aloud through the surround sound in my car. I did my best to stay strong and in the moment, while visiting family, playing with pets, kids and engaging in conversation – but my mind was elsewhere, far, far away, mainly wondering where my mother might be spending Christmas in the afterlife? Is there an afterlife? And where is it located? Were thoughts that followed as I journeyed along the highway; the full moon my escort. I wondered if I will ever see here again…you know, in the heavens above, or…not sure if our paths will ever cross again. The thought of it all, churning my stomach and sending my heart to an uneasy flutter as I veered the car left, then right, coasting along. The song blended into the next, suggesting to, ‘Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas’. I mumbled the verses to the very …

Autumn Thoughts

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I walked my neighborhood this morning, through warm-brisk air, where at the start of the walk, I felt the need to button up and midway through, peeled off my jacket. On the walk I could not keep my thoughts and my visual in sync, if you know what I mean: I wanted to take in the hints of autumn, the rustling of the trees, and the swirling fallen leaves, but my mind kept circling back to thoughts of my beloved mother who passed away at the tail end of summer. And although I spoke to my walking partner, about ideas and fun facts, my stomach was in knots as I fought back the tears. I am long ways away from all things accepting and moving on with life…

Notes From The Weekend

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A co-worker of mine announced late Friday night that she was resigning. Not much details to offer up but wanted to let me know nonetheless. My heart sunk to the pit of my stomach. Not because she was resigning ‘understandably so’, but because I realized just then that I had no room in my heart or head to take on another disappointing news. You see I’ve been trying to keep it together for weeks, about my mother’s health and the idea of losing her on any given day… I’ve been floating through life since coming to terms with her not recovering from her last Intensive care stay… which led to in-home hospice care. So many emotions have filtered through my being since, causing me to burst into tears, to having panic attacks, to no sleep at nights, or eat to not having the drive to go on and yet… I have worked by her bedside every day for 18 hours to help me cope, I suppose. But yet…that coping has led to more disappointment about …

Craving Travel

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Before the pandemic I travelled several times a year to all sorts of destinations. Two years in lock down, and just when it felt safe enough to do the bit of travelling outside of camping and quick getaways, my mother fell ill. Resetting and reprioritizing all of my plans to venture across the pond like the good old days and just immerse myself in all things novel writing worthy. A hundred times I stood in this very spot and snapped a photograph, each time as if it were my first time seeing St. Peter’s Basilica in Rome. Dozens of times I strolled down the narrowest of cobble-stoned streets of Paris. Always in aw over the smallest of villages perched along the hillside along the Amalfi coast. Timeless train travel through Switzerland Right there… …and here Dean Village in Edinburgh Reminders of Days gone by through Ireland I long for it all

Take Time For Yourself

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While on a work call to discuss developmental goals for my team, I realized that under the insane demands of life, I do not make any effort to care for myself. Funny how one topic leads to another Not because I don’t want to, nor NOT know how to self-care, but the demands of work and unexpected events in life since the middle of June have not allowed me to continue on a positive path to wellness. I do worry about the toll my unexpected life is taking on me and currently trying to figure out how to find the right balance past what everyone says: How do you find balance?

There Is a Purpose To Everything

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Do you believe, that where you are today in your life, is the path that will lead you to where you really need to be ultimately? I believe it… Think about it If things don’t pan out the way they do every single year from birth to current state, then how will you achieve the personal growth to become your own-individual-success story? All roads literally do lead….to where we are all destined to be…never mind the detours along the way Have an amazing day! {source}

How Are We All Doing?

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I sit through countless daily meetings at my day job, wondering how we are all still functioning in a society that has changed so drastically since the pandemic. I do this because, no one seems to be the same in their behaviors, thought process, dedication, listening, comprehension and all other mannerisms of a modern society. I spoke of this to a co-worker based in our India office, who I have not seen nor spoken to in two years. We’ve simply responded to email chains. But we did the usual getting side-tracked, and had a heart-to-heart about this very thing. By the end of the conversation he said to me: M just float on… Which made me smile. What a nice concept, to simply float on. Thereafter, all I could do for the rest of my day, was allow my mind to float on.. to the recent films I’ve watched filmed on location, in Europe, or tropical destinations from everywhere and anywhere, and that feeling helped me get by. So I am curious, how do you …

Doing Our Best

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As if Instagram reads my mind past my search topics on my phone…because it sends me topics at the very moment I need them most. Pictures of Puppies, and all sorts of animals in the wild, nature, sceneries and more, hoping to boost my otherwise questionable moods of late. There is a lot I have done this past year to grow. Mostly spiritually so that I am able to live a peaceful life as possible in an environment that has changed since the pandemic at an unprecedented rate. But sometimes, even the best of photos and the touching of all quotes and revelations relayed to me through social media cannot change the way certain days pan out. Today was that day, where the worst of decisions were made in our work space by those not willing to listen to reason or experience. Decisions, which now cannot be undone, or reversed and the rest of us are left with having to figure out how best to muddle through them…